[Fanfiction] The Love We Deserve

[fh14]

Title: The Love We Deserve
Author/Artist: fh14 
Prompt: Denmark, Any character (Iceland) - International relations. 1700s or 1900s
Other characters: Hong Kong, Japan, Italy, Norway, Finland, Belarus, China
Rating: T+
Content notes: College/University AU. References to Denmark/Belarus and Norway/Belarus. Some references to sex. Uses human names; Iceland is 'Emil', Denmark is 'Mikkel', Norway is 'Lukas', and Hong Kong is 'Leon' in this story. (Also note, this fill serves as the first chapter of what is planned to be a three chapter story covering three fills. The other two chapters were not completed by the deadline but will still be added later.)
Summary: Emil never thought an innocent crush on an upperclassmen would bring him everything he'd come to this school searching for.

(AO3 link)

Emil held his hand up to his face, blocking out a sudden glare from the sun. He still hadn’t quite gotten used to just how bright everything was here.

His companion didn’t seem remotely phased by it. Though, to be fair, Leon seemed to take just about everything in stride. It was probably a good quality to have while attending a remote university in a completely different country.

“So, now that the bridge is closed, the only way off campus is the tram?” Emil asked, still glancing around at his surroundings. A city located at the edge of a peninsula wasn’t that unusual, but a large, sprawling university was quite another. And Emil doubted there was another one on the planet as opulent and self-contained as this one.

“I mean, you could rent a boat I guess, but yeah, pretty much,” Leon said, not bothering to turn around as he passed under the arch leading into the quad. Or at least, the equivalent of what would be a quad anywhere else. Here it seemed more like an outdoor mall built around a public park.

Emil didn’t think he’d ever be able to get used to living in a place like this.

“So I’m definitely getting froyo, but since I haven’t had a vegetable in three days, could you grab me a salad when you head over to that cafe? I’ll spot you.”

“How do you know I’m getting food from the cafe?” Emil responded, feeling the annoyance slip out into his voice. “Maybe I want pizza? Or ramen?”

"First off, it is way too hot for ramen,” Leon said, finally coming to a stop at the entrance of the quad. “And second…” He paused, before turning around, the shadow from the arch clipping across his face at the same time as a smug grin. “...he always eats at that cafe.”

--

“Oh, you’re back again!”

Emil fumbled, some of the loose change spilling out of his hands and onto the counter. He looked up sheepishly at the cashier, who stared back blankly as she handed the coins back to him, not bothering to even glance over at the person sitting by the large, scenic window by the entrance who’d caused the disturbance.

If she had, she would’ve seen what Emil had come to see. Or rather, whom.

“Hey, Mr. Densen,” Emil called over, sheepishly, before hastily grabbing the bag with his food in it.

The other man did an exaggerated cringe, though he still had that same goofy grin he always seemed to have on his face. “I’ve told you not to call me that. It’s Mikkel. I’m still in undergrad, ya know?”

“Yeah, but you’re still a T.A., so it feels weird,” Emil mumbled, sitting down at the table next to him.

“Got a date?”

“Wh- what?” Emil stammered.

Mikkel gestured to the clear plastic bag with two Caesar salads inside he’d placed on the table.

He exhaled. “Oh, no, my roommate asked me to grab something for him. I’m not seeing anyone.”

I’m not seeing anyone?! Why did you tell him that?! The tiny voice in the back of his head hissed. Not that Mikkel seemed to notice that detail. He’d turned his attention back to his laptop, which only made Emil fidget more.

They’d talked enough over the past couple of months where he shouldn’t have been this nervous, but he still couldn’t quite get used to this school or all these people, all of them ridiculously cultured and talented, and some from corners of the globe he’d never even heard of before. It didn’t help that it seemed increasingly impossible to leave campus, so it’s not like he had anywhere else to go to take a break from it all if he wanted to.

And that was just it: As much as this place intimidated the crap out of him, he absolutely loved it. Nothing he’d seen or heard about college could’ve possibly lived up to the feeling he had when he stepped foot on this campus for the first time.

And that was even before he’d met Mikkel that first day of class. At that moment all he’d felt was excitement at this new chapter of his life, and maybe finally being able to find…

Well, he’d already given up on that part of the equation, but a doomed crush on an upperclassmen was more than a sufficient replacement on how to spend his free time.

“I won’t keep you long then,” Mikkel said, snapping Emil out of his idle thoughts. The Dane had turned his attention back to something on his laptop, frowning before glancing back up at Emil and flashing his usual, easy smile.

“This is awkward, but could you pass a message along to the professor this afternoon? I’d email him about it now but… I don’t think he’d let me off the hook for class today.”

“Sure. What is it?”

“Uh…” Mikkel stretched his arm up behind his head to scratch nervously, and it took all of Emil’s self control not to fixate on his flexing bicep. “I think my girlfriend’s gonna break up with me.”

--

“Oh, now you have a shot!”

“Shut up!” Emil said, shoving Leon as he began to wolf whistle at him. A couple of people stopped what they were doing and stared at them, which seemed to be enough to get Leon to drop the shtick.

“Really though,” Leon said, shoving a couple of fork-fulls of lettuce into his mouth before continuing in a muffled tone, “You know he’s gonna be single. You should be his rebound. God knows you need to get laid.”

Emil felt his entire face turn red. “I haven’t… like you’ve ever gotten laid?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Leon said, genuinely unfazed. “We’re talking about you. You heard about the manor party, right?”

“I think so?” Emil said, stabbing unhappily at his lettuce. “But what does that have to do with anything?”

“Because a lot of upperclassmen are gonna be at it,” Leon said, pointing his fork at Emil. “And because it’s the Dean’s manor it’s not gonna be a wild party or anything. Low pressure.”

“There’s still two problems with that plan,” Emil said. “One, we don’t even know if Mikkel’s going to this party, and two, we’re freshmen, so there’s no way we’d even get inside.”

“Okay, but there’s gonna be free booze there,” Leon said. “Like, who would pass up free booze fresh off a break up? Well, aside from a sober person I guess. But what are the odds of that? And as far as getting inside goes…” He grinned, pausing to take a long sip of water for dramatic effect. “I have... an in.”

--

“This was such a bad idea.”

Leon honestly looked too frazzled to disagree. The fact that people literally called it the Dean’s mansion somehow hadn’t really conveyed exactly how nice this house was. Hell, if the residence didn’t have offices at the sides Emil suspected the faculty would’ve led an uprising and burned the thing down years ago.

That’s to say nothing of the crowd that was funneling inside.

“Do all these people even go to our school?” Emil asked, nudging Leon, who still seemed lost for words. “Like, it’s only supposed to be upperclassmen, right? This seems like way too many people.”

“Many of them are graduates from the city,” the man beside them said. “Events like these are great for networking so it’s worth it for a lot of people to make their way out here for it. I thought there might be less people this time because of the bridge repairs, but I guess not. I think Professor Yang might even show up.”

“Well that wouldn’t be great,” Emil said, glaring at Leon, who looked away sheepishly. Not only was Mikkel the Teaching Assistant for Professor Yang’s class, but from what he could tell, their escort had some kind of history with the Professor as well.

Well, Kiku Honda had been referred to as a ‘sort-of family friend’, which preceded the revelation that Leon and Professor Yang were actually related.

“Look,” Leon said finally as they neared the entrance. “There’s so many people here. We may not even find Mikkel, much less run into Yao accidentally.”

“We don’t even know if he’s here!”

“Do you mean Mikkel Densen?”

Emil and Leon turned to face Kiku, who was staring at them with a type of amused contentment.

“Do you know him?” Leon asked.

“I mean, in passing I guess. He’s been in some of my classes. But I just saw him go inside though. He was with that girl… Natalia Arlovskaya I think her name was?” Kiku said, clearly tripping over the pronunciation.

“Who’s she?” Leon asked, crossing his arms.

“She’s near the top of our class, and, as Alfred would phrase it, scary as all hell. Other than that…” Kiku shrugged, “I don’t really know anything else about her.”

“I do,” Emil said, suddenly feeling very queasy.

“You do?” Leon asked, clearly over his earlier nerves and cartoonishly whipping his head back and forth between looking at Emil and Kiku.

“Yeah,” Emil sighed. “She’s Mikkel’s girlfriend.”

--

“So… the drinking age here is eighteen…”

Emil pulled his gaze away from the very elaborate vase he’d been staring at since he walked through the door and gave an obnoxiously exaggerated shrug. “Okay, cool.”

“Dude, I’m like, really sorry-”

“No, it’s not your fault,” Emil said, taking the glass from his outstretched hand. “It was all kind of dumb to begin with. Honestly I’m not sure what I expected. It’s just as well I guess.”

Leon frowned, glazing over to Kiku, who was slowly beginning to bleed into the crowd of partygoers with a couple of people he clearly knew. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I just need to drink a little and I’ll be over it. Go mingle, I’m fine,” Emil said, bringing the drink up to his mouth in an exaggerated fashion.

“If you’re sure…” Leon frowned for a moment before giving a big, exaggerated shrug of his own. “Okay, well, text me if you need me.”

As soon as Leon disappeared into the crowd Emil pulled the glass away from his lips, wincing in disgust. Really? Brandy of all things?

Aside from that, he has mostly been upfront with Leon. He didn’t know why he’d suddenly deluded himself into thinking he had a shot with this random senior who hadn’t given any indication he was interested in guys, let alone him. Really, the whole ordeal just made him endlessly annoyed at himself. Ever since he’d first heard about this school, he’d just been coasting along on a sea of his own unmet expectations and he was sick of inflicting needless disappointment onto himself.

He was so busy sulking he didn’t even notice the chipper young man that had taken Leon’s place in front of him.

“Oh! Sorry!” Emil said, jumping back in surprise.

“No worries!” The man said in a breezy Italian accent, beaming so brightly Emil thought he was going to pass out. “Kiku sent me over because he thought you could you some cheering up, ve~”

Great, now acquaintances are taking pity on me.

Emil sighed. “I, uh, didn’t catch your name.”

“Feliciano Vargas,” He said, holding out his hand, which Emil shook hesitantly. “My friends call me Feli sometimes.”

“Nice to meet you,” Emil said, loosening his grip. “You’re a friend of Kiku’s?”

“We’re at the school newspaper together,” Feliciano nodded enthusiastically. “I usually do culture write ups about stuff going on in the school while he does all the exciting, hard-hitting journalism. I’ll be a senior next year though so I wanna try to break a big story of my own, you know?”

“Makes sense,” Emil nodded. He wasn’t quite as put off as he would have expected from talking to someone who’d just spilled so much about their life in the span of thirty seconds.

“Ve~” Feliciano hummed, staring blankly at Emil with that same, chipper expression on his face. “Sorry I’m not very good at this.”

“This?” Emil asked, staring blankly back before something in the back of his mind clicked. “Wait… did you talk to Leon about me?”

Feliciano frowned and tilted his head to the side. “Did you not want him to?”

Damn it Leon, Emil thought, feeling his anger rise. “Look, I’m sorry but I don’t think my personal life would make for a good story. The person I was looking for… I just want to be part of the school community here.”

Feliciano blinked, and it was suddenly very obvious just how confused the other man was. Emil bit his tongue and cursed himself.

“You came to this school... to look for someone?” Feliciano asked, tilting his head in the other direction.

“Ah, nevermind all that,” Emil said, feeling his face turn red. “I just… assumed that was the real reason they sent you over here. I’m sorry, I’m not exactly great at dealing with people. Where I grew up there wasn’t even a lot of sun…”

Feliciano smiled. “Ah, no worries. Plenty of my friends aren’t very social either. Kiku and Leon sent me over because they said you were lovesick and might need some advice.”

“Oh… oh….” Emil said, suddenly wishing this was, in fact, some kind of weird attempt to dig up dirt on his past. “Sorry, why?”

“Because I have tons of experience getting shot down by people of all genders,” Feliciano said in that same, chipper tone that now felt like a punch to the gut.

“I see,” Emil said, taking a step to the side. “Sorry, I just remembered I had to meet someone… it was nice meeting you!”

“You too, Emil!” Feliciano said, just a little bit too loudly. Emil instinctively ducked down, and bounded up the stairs that had been only a few paces away.

All the people at this school were so strange. They all seemed so interested in everyone else’s business and didn’t have any sense of boundaries. Maybe he didn’t love being here so much after all.

He slowed his pace and slumped his shoulders, staring down the length of the empty hallway and focusing on nothing. No, if people here weren’t like that there’s no way he would’ve been able to make friends with them. Hell, there’s no way Mikkel would’ve even bothered to talk to him outside of class. And it was a school of international students. Half the point was getting to know people totally unlike yourself.

Emil continued to wander, lost in thought, eventually settling down on a bench he wasn’t entirely sure wasn’t decorative. It seemed to be the sole piece of furniture in the long hallway he’d found himself in, which was mostly lined with paintings and mirrors, along with the occasional framed photograph.

One of the latter was hanging on the wall across from the bench, depicting a boy around twelve or thirteen in a rather striking frilled shirt playing a violin. He was standing in what appeared to be the quad, only it seemed uncharacteristically deserted. Staring at it only made Emil’s stomach twist in knots more than it already was, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away. It seemed just as much a work of art as any of the paintings in the hallway, and the feeling that this was, in fact, not somewhere he should be hanging out was slowly beginning to overwhelm his senses.

That feeling was only exacerbated by sudden, muffled shouting coming from one of the nearby rooms.

He stood up just in time for a door further down the hall to open, and a pair of young men stepped out, talking feverishly in a language Emil couldn’t quite place.

Before he could figure out what to do, the slightly taller of the two turned his head and saw him. The other followed his gaze and they both fell silent.

"Uh…” Emil stammered, slowly standing up.

“Did Berwald send you?” The shorter of the men asked, taking a step forward. “I still don’t know when I’ll be down-”

“You can go now if you want,” The other man said, cutting him off. He didn’t speak particularly loudly, but the combination of his deep voice and clear, visible anger made him seem all the more imposing when compared to his delicate looking clothes and fair, feathery hair.

It was that detail that made Emil do a double take. He was much older now, but there was no mistaking that he was the same boy from the photograph.

“Sorry,” Emil said, “No one sent me. I needed some space and got a bit lost. You have a beautiful ho-”

“Guests aren’t allowed in this part of the house,” the man replied. His tone was icier now, and Emil instinctively stepped back.

“Lukas,” the other man said, turning away from Emil and toward his friend. “You should just go back in there. I’m sure he-”

“It’s done, Tino, okay?” Lukas snapped. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but you heard what he said. It’s done.” He turned, looking pointedly at Emil. “You should go back downstairs, and you,” he said, the volume of his voice rising for the first time, “should leave!”

Tino said something in the language from before - Finnish, maybe? - and grabbed Lukas’s sleeve, but the other man shook it off as he pounded on the door of the room they’d just come out of. “You heard me Densen, get out!”

Densen? Emil blinked, and watched as the door opened and a very disheveled-looking Mikkel walked out into the hall. His face was red, and Emil couldn’t tell if it was from anger or alcohol.

“I hope the two of you have a long, miserable life together,” Mikkel spat, pushing past Lukas in a show of bravado that deflated the instant he looked past him down the hall.

He froze, and it took a moment for Emil to realize that his presence was what prompted this reaction.

“Emil?” Mikkel blinked, the anger that had been coming off of him in waves suddenly gone and replaced by a very palpable confusion.

“So he’s a friend of yours?” Lukas cut in, speaking in a matter-of-fact tone that was almost certainly forced. He turned to address Emil, adding, “In that case, don’t go downstairs. I want you to leave too.”

--

“I… didn’t mean to interrupt anything.” Emil said. His face was so hot with embarrassment he thought his skin would start to break out.

What was he supposed to say? Sorry I crashed this party to try and see you? Sorry I interrupted a fight you were having? Sorry I’m a creepy, obsessed stalker?

Variations of this kept flitting through his head as the two of them walked out the back gate, away from the prying eyes of the other guests. Tino had practically insisted, and Emil wasn’t about to complain if it spared him the further indignity of being marched out in front of his friends and classmates.

“No,” Mikkel laughed. “Bro, I’m… sorry I got you kicked out.”

His face was clearly red from the alcohol, and he was still carrying a bottle of wine that no one had bothered to wrestle away from him, but he looked more than a little bit emotionally wrung out. It didn’t look like he’d been in any kind of physical altercation, but his clothes were askew, like he’d been pushed or, more likely, fallen over a number of times.

“Do you wanna sit down somewhere?” Emil asked, eying Mikkel warily as the other man seemed to just catch himself from tripping over part of the sidewalk.

“My apartment’s really close. We can just go there,” Mikkel said, giving him a thumbs up with his free hand. “I- this night really sucked.”

“It’s still so early too,” Emil mused. “We were only there for, what, two hours?”

Mikkel stopped and turned to stare at Emil, before holding up and examining the wine bottle in his hand. “Fanden æde mig.”

“Sorry?”

“No, I-” Mikkel shook his head, and turned to continue walking. “Sorry I’m such a mess. I, uh, well I was half right earlier anyway.”

“Your girlfriend broke up with you?” Emil asked, catching him before he used her actual name, which Mikkel had never actually told him.

“Yeah, but here’s the thing,” Mikkel said, taking another swig from the wine bottle. “Apparently, she broke up with me last week, but I was too dumb to figure it out.”

“What?”

“Yeah,” Mikkel said, thrusting the bottle up in the air like he was giving a toast. “Lukas is the better man, yet again.”

“Wait,” Emil said, taken aback. “You mean, she left you for your friend?”

Mikkel gave what sounded like a noncommittal whine, waving his hand before downing whatever was left in the wine bottle. Emil mentally thought back to that scene in the hallway. It all certainly made more sense now, for the most part anyway. There was one part of it that still felt weirdly out of place.

He thought better of prying any more into the whole affair though, especially since Mikkel had gotten noticeably quiet.

They walked for a bit longer in that same, awkward silence. They occasionally passed other people, but for the most part it seemed like everyone was otherwise engaged for the night, and they were the only ones who’d found themselves at an impasse so early in the evening.

Eventually, after a silence that felt like it’d stretched eons, Mikkel made a sharp swerve, and Emil realized that they’d finally reached his apartment complex.

Mikkel seemed to notice Emil wasn’t following him, and turned around to wave back. “Oi!” He shouted, “Come on up! I’ll get you a drink for your trouble.”

Part of him wanted to turn down the invitation, but, in all honesty, he couldn’t resist the allure of a hot guy inviting him up to his apartment, even though this carried none of the trappings of what the scenario he’d fantasized about would entail. Well, except perhaps the alcohol.

Though, once Mikkel swiped his key card and they walked inside the building, Emil almost managed to push those kinds of thoughts out of his mind entirely. For all intents and purposes, the apartment complex looked like a more luxurious version of the dorm building he was living in with Leon, except this was clearly designed for someone living more independently than the average student. Even a disheveled mess, Mikkel looked very much in his element, and Emil couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy at how the other man carried himself.

Apparently that thought translated to his face, because as soon as they’d gotten into the elevator, Mikkel glanced over to him and frowned. “You okay?”

“I’m fine!” Emil said, probably a bit too quickly. He looked down at the ground, slowly inhaling and exhaling, before forcing himself to look up and make eye contact with Mikkel. “I just… I wish I was more like you.”

Mikkel stared back at him with a stunned expression, before bursting into uproarious laughter.

“What?” Emil asked, doing his best not to feel insulted.

“I’m sorry,” Mikkel said, fanning himself with his free hand as he continued to let out the occasional burst of laughter. “Bro, I am such a fucking mess. I don’t get why you aren’t pissed at me for ruining your whole evening.”

“You didn’t though,” Emil said, looking down again. “At the party… I just felt so out of my element. Like, I love this school but there are people here from all over the world and I don’t know how to talk to any of them. And when we started talking… you just reached out to someone you didn’t even know, and I’m barely getting by just talking to my roommate. I didn’t think I’d meet someone so cool who’d want to be my friend. Ah, I mean,” Emil stammered, focusing on the ground harder and hearing his voice growing fainter. “It’s not that I’m assuming we’re friends… sorry, I’m not very good at this.”

“Bro.”

Emil felt a hand clasp on his shoulder, and before he knew it Mikkel was pulling him into a hug.

Emil felt himself stiffen, but immediately relaxed as Mikkel pulled him tighter pressing his face into his shoulder. He definitely smelled of alcohol, but more than that Emil could smell Mikkel. His clothes, the body wash and shampoo he used, his skin. All of it was a scent that was overwhelmingly intoxicating.

And just as soon as it had begun, Emil heard the ding of the elevator, and felt Mikkel’s grip loosen.

“Everyone’s lost when they first come here,” Mikkel said, slowly disentangling himself from Emil. “No one’s from here, and we’re all scared of messing it all up. Some of us are just better at hiding it than others.”

Emil looked up as Mikkel ushered him through the doorway, and suddenly realized the other man was crying.

“Mikkel, I’m…”

“Please don’t apologize,” He said, turning to face him when they were clear of the closing elevator doors. It was that same, radiant smile that made Emil’s heart leap out of his chest the first time he’d seen it. Only… at the same time it wasn’t. There was something sad in the expression, that Mikkel was trying desperately to hide but just quite couldn’t. “I think that was the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me?”

Emil knew his face had to be beet red by now, but he didn’t want to look down at the ground again, or run away. Instead he reached out and grabbed Mikkel’s free hand, and gazed up at the other man with all the confidence he could muster.

“I meant it,” Emil said. “I don’t know everything going on in your life, but I know you’re an awesome person, and I know other people think about you the way I do. I know… I know this is a really lousy time, but being with you… I just want to try being a little bit braver.”

Mikkel stared down at him with a lethargic, enraptured wonder. Emil felt his hand begin to tremble, and despite his best efforts felt his gaze to begin to drift downward.

Only for the soft touch of Mikkel’s other hand, along with the cool tip of the wine bottle in his grip, pushing his gaze back upward.

“Emil…” Mikkel said softly, his eyes soft and brimming with light. Emil felt his heart begin to hammer inside his chest, and he was almost definitely moments away from passing out.

The feeling only intensified when Mikkel leaned down and kissed him.

It was soft, hesitant, so uncharacteristic to everything Mikkel had been up until that moment, Emil immediately felt himself melt into it. He wasn’t sure how long they stood in that embrace, whether it was minutes or mere seconds, but for the first time in ages, Emil felt like he was in a place he was meant to be.

Maybe he could get used to this place after all.